Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Did you just see the Batmobile???
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
