neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
