its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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