I smell stomach acid.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
