You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
