i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Randomize
