I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
