you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
