I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
