He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize