omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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