Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
so much tequila, so little girl.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
