I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
