apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
