If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
