I skipped work to stalk him.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize