def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
