We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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