We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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