sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
