Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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