Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
handjob tips. give me some.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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