i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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