I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
