So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
