your thong is hanging out like whoa
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
