Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
