he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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