My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Randomize
