Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
