I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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