Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
