One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
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