I'd wear matching sweaters with you
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
