So drunk its hurt
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
