I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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