so explain again why im purple
no
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I think im going to throw up on grandma
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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