I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
