then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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