She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
