maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
