Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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