Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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