Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
