Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
