I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
