i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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