Will you blow on my dice?
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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