I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
