Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
