Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Randomize
