hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
