you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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