she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
