apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
