I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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