I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
