he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
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