ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
