SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
