Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
