Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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