i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
