i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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