you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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