my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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