its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
When are your genitals available?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
