I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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