One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
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