I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
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