remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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